


Worrying

by autisticaizawashouta



Series: Gender is Hard 'verse [24]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, Idaho is pretty but it's a fucking awful place to live if you're not straight, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Life Partners, Platonic Moxiety, Platonic Relationships, non-binary characters, or white
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 11:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16638770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autisticaizawashouta/pseuds/autisticaizawashouta
Summary: Patton returns home from his trip.(Or, yet another installment full of platonic Moxiety because i cannot get enough of them)





	Worrying

**Author's Note:**

> **warnings for this chapter:** discussion of suicide baiting, discussion of mental illness, accusations of abuse, mentions of homophobia, transphobia, and ableism  
> since this is the GIHV, pronouns are as follows: Virgil, they/them; Patton, he/him; Logan, xe/xir; Roman, they/them  
> you know, it's probably not gonna make any sense if you haven't read the 21 installments prior to this (it's only about 45k words, don't worry, you can start it right before you go to bed, i'm totally _not_ someone who's left installments on terrible cliffhangers before...)

His trip to Chelsea’s was a four-day trip. It wasn’t much, he and Virgil had definitely been apart for longer before, and at least he’d have his phone, right?

Wrong. Somehow he managed to forget it and not realize he had forgotten it until he stopped at a rest area and looked for it to update Chelsea on when to expect him, only to realize that it wasn’t there.

But hey. Chelsea had a phone and a computer. He could at least call Virgil while he was staying with her.

And that’s what he did, the two of them having fairly standard phone conversations, for them. At least, until the second night of the trip.

“ _Hey_ ,” Virgil said after picking up the call. And there it was: there was a tension in their voice. Something had happened at home.

“Hey there! How are things going at home?” Part of the cheer in his voice was natural, a result of calling his best friend, but part of it was fake, too.

“ _It’s… fine. There’s a bit of drama online but when is there ever not?_ ” Virgil replied. “ _You said you were gonna go to Celebration Park with Chelsea and her girlfriends today. How did that go?_ ”

A deflection. Okay.

“It went swimmingly!” Patton replied. “Skylar and Brielle are so kind. Oh, and the park itself was amazing. It was awesome, seeing and being able to touch these glyphs that people put there hundreds or thousands of years ago. It was this… connection, of sorts! To these people who had come before. It was just… something else, entirely.”

“ _It sounds pretty cool. Hopefully next time I could come with you._ ”

“I wish you could’ve come this time! Speaking of next time, how did your appointment go?”

“ _Well… It went… good, I think. I’ve got a, uh, prescription for sertraline, we’re going to see if that works for me._ ”

“Oh! That’s big! I’m glad! But weren’t you talking about maybe trying escitalopram first?”

“ _Yeah. We’ll see how it goes. And yeah, we were thinking about it, but my… my dad started taking antidepressants in my… junior year of high school, and he had a bad reaction with escitalopram, so we crossed it off the list._ ”

The conversation continued, and the entire time, Patton couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something Virgil just… wasn’t telling him. They could have any number of reasons for not saying anything, and he was this close to pushing them for answers… but he stopped himself. He could trust them to tell him whatever it was when they were ready, and that, until then, they could handle it.

They had spent almost 45 minutes talking when they ran out of things to talk about and hung up. Patton handed the phone back to Chelsea, who was laying on the couch with Skylar and Brielle, watching episodes of Avatar together. All three of them were wearing t-shirts and sweats, although Brielle was wearing a long-sleeved shirt under hers. Chelsea had pinned the right leg of her pants up, since she wasn’t wearing her prosthetic at the moment.

“So how are things back home with Virgil?” Chelsea asked, setting her phone on the side table before going back to running her fingers through Brielle’s hair and massaging her head.

“Well,” Patton began, “something’s up.”

“Oh, that doesn’t sound good,” Skylar muttered.

“I think something is going on that they’re not telling me everything about, which is fine, it’s fine! They’re allowed to not tell me things! But it seems like something that’s stressing them, and I’m worried,” he replied.  “It’s… it’s been a lot, lately, and I’m not going to say that I don’t think they can handle it because _I know better than that_ , but they’re still dealing with the whole almost-dying-of-meningitis thing, and old trauma, and, and… and it’s just been a lot recently!”

“It be like that, sometimes,” Brielle said, nodding. She held a hand up to Patton, her colorful bracelets sliding away from her wrist. “Join the cuddle pile. It’ll make you feel better.”

Chelsea laughed, her nose wrinkling. “Ellie, you learned the cuddle pile from _me_.”

“Yeah, an- oh, wait, that Patton sure is your brother,” Brielle replied, covering her eyes with the same hand she had just held out to him. Chelsea and Skylar both laughed with her, and Patton joined the cuddle pile, snuggling into Brielle who swiftly got to work digging her fingers into his neck and shoulders. Despite her less-than-gentle administrations, he relaxed and eventually fell asleep in the middle of the episodes about the giant drill.

Despite the undercurrent of worry, Patton managed to put that aside and have a good visit with the three of them. He was finally heading back, Sunday morning, after five nights spent with Chelsea, Skylar, and Brielle.

“Hey, don’t forget to call,” Chelsea said as she stepped back from her hug with him. He nodded and grinned.

“I won’t!” he replied.

“And, hopefully, if all goes well, the three of us will be moving to the valley so we’ll be able to see each other more often,” Skylar said when it was her turn to hug Patton.

“Oh? Do you not like it here?” he asked. She laughed, her shoulders shaking in his embrace.

“It’s a pretty area, but Patton, this is fucking Idaho,” she said. He felt his cheeks heat up.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he replied, and then stepped back to hug Brielle.

Finally, all goodbyes said, Patton got in his car and left, getting onto I-84 and then having to suffer through the hell that was driving through Boise’s never-ending construction and inability to do it correctly.

The drive took eight and a half hours. He stopped in Ontario to get coffee and fuel up before driving through the Malheur canyon. He had almost ran out of gas on Highway 20 driving through there, and he had vowed never again.

And eventually, after it had gotten dark, he made it home. He pulled into his parking space and rolled his shoulders, trying to work some of the tension out of them before getting out of the car, grabbing his bag, locking the car, and heading upstairs to their apartment.

Caoimhe greeted him at the door, tail wagging. Virgil was sitting on the couch, wearing their hoodie and a pair of cat-covered fuzzy pajama pants. They looked up and smiled as he walked in, and at a glance, they looked normal, if slightly stressed. At least the circles under their eyes hadn’t gotten any darker.

“I’m home!” he exclaimed, as Virgil set aside their laptop.

“I can see that,” they replied, standing up and stretching before walking over. “How was the drive back?”

“It was good, mostly, they were doing construction in Boise again, although that’s hardly new, and 97 in Bend was being repaved so traffic through there was awful. I did see a cat at the rest station when I stopped to stretch, though! It was so cute and very friendly,” he replied. “How was your day?”

“Boring, mostly,” they replied, stepping in to hug Patton after he had finally remembered to set his bag down next to the kitchen table. “I did go to Toni and Teagan’s house with Remy and October. One of Toni’s sisters, and one of Toni’s nephews, was visiting.”

“Oh? Were they nice?” Patton asked, stepping back and moving to grab a cup for water.

“Yeah. Their names were Rosalie and Garrett. Apparently, they’re looking to move into the area,” Virgil replied.

Patton laughed. “Wow, they’re not the only ones! Chelsea, Brielle, and Skylar are looking to move over here soon, too!”

“Nice,” Virgil replied, following Patton into the living room and sitting back down on the couch next to him.

“Oh, hey, by the way, where’s my phone?” Patton asked, and Virgil sighed.

“Before I go get it, I should, uh, probably warn you. The, the ‘discourse’ I mentioned the other night… uh… yeah, it’s bad,” they said, and Patton blinked.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

Virgil took a deep breath. “I’m… not sure where it started, but… someone started a rumor that we’re trying to groom and abuse Roman and Logan.”

The world seemed to… stop, for a moment. It was like his brain was refusing to process what Virgil had just said. And then, all too soon, it kicked back into gear.

“Wait, what? Who said that?”

“A lot of people,” Virgil replied, sneering. “You know, someone says something, even without evidence, and there will be people who jump on it. And before you know it, you’re getting fucking suicide baited, I guess!”

“Wait, _suicide baited_?” Patton asked, head spinning. Virgil shrugged.

“Just the standard Tumblr anon fare,” they replied. “It’s… don’t worry, it’s finally cooling off now, I think we _finally_ got them off our case.”

“Just the standard…” Patton repeated, his eyes stinging. He blinked. “Don’t worry? _Don’t worry_? When people have been… have been suicide baiting you, and saying… saying _those things_ about us? And you’re telling me, _don’t worry_?”

“Uh,” Virgil shifted, and then hesitantly put and hand on Patton’s thigh. “I mean, it’s… it’s winding down now. And we’re both okay. It, it wasn’t _ideal_ but it’s… not really a huge deal, either.”

“What do you _mean_ it’s not a huge deal?” Patton asked. Tears were thickening his voice. “It’s not just not ideal! It _is_ a big deal! People are spreading rumors about us—damaging rumors—and suicide baiting you! Those aren’t... those aren’t little things!”

“I know!” Virgil snapped. “I know,” they repeated, softer. “It’s not just… some little thing, but I _can’t_ let it be a big thing. Too many things are already big things for me, and, fuck, I know just how damaging this could be.”

“But you don’t have to just… write it off like that,” Patton replied, pleading tinging his voice. “It doesn’t have to be a big thing, but… when I see you start repressing your emotions again—”

“I’m not! I have had several days to express my emotions about this, and trust me, I _have_.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, I just thought you’d be… angry about this.”

Virgil launched to their feet, and Patton startled. Caoimhe was determinedly sticking her nose into their hand, and they dropped to their knees and buried their face into her fur.

“I’m _furious_ ,” they said, voice somewhat muffled by her thick coat but the sharp venom in their words came through. “That someone thought that… what, did they have a grudge against us? Are they homophobic, transphobic, do they just fucking hate mentally ill people or something? Or were they just genuinely concerned? Shit, Patton, we might never know _why_ this started, but someone started it. And there were people who took that and ran with it.”

The room fell quiet, except for Patton’s sniffling and cars driving by the street outside their window. After several moments, he spoke.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Virgil replied, looking up, brow furrowed.

“No, I do,” Patton replied. “When you said people were suicide baiting you, I… I lost my head, a bit. I know, I know that you’re in a much, much better place now and that… that you’re healing and recovering, but I…” He sniffed. “I just, I can’t help but wonder, what if it had caught you on a bad day?”

Virgil blinked, and then stood up and walked back over to the couch, followed by Caoimhe.

“Patton,” they said, “even if it… had caught me on a bad day… I knew that you were going to be coming back. Even on the _worst_ days, I know I have you. You… might not see it this way, but you saved me. You save me, over and over again. You’re a huge part of why I’m still alive, of how I manage to make it through the bad days.”

They leaned over and wrapped an arm around him, and Caoimhe settled her face between his legs, and he cried.

“I’m so glad you’re alive,” he gasped out between sobs.

“I’m… glad I’m alive, too,” they replied.

It took several minutes for Patton to stop crying, but eventually, after he had, and the two of them had decided to make tea and had made said tea and were sitting back down on the couch, Virgil spoke.

“You know… you don’t have to be sorry, for being worried after I had said people were suicide baiting me. I mean, I’d be kinda worried and upset if you just said people were suicide baiting you. It’s…” they shrugged. “It’s a pretty reasonable thing to get upset about.”

“Only _kinda_ worried?” Patton teased, nudging Virgil’s side with his elbow.

“Don’t push it, or I’ll bump it down to _sorta_ worried,” they replied, smirking. Patton laughed before taking a sip of his tea.

“So,” he said, getting serious. “How have Logan and Roman been taking this?”

“…Well,” Virgil said, looking at the carpet. “Logan is as… explosively angry as xe ever is when confronted with something xe thinks is unfair, unjustified, or wrong. And Roman…” They paused, fingers tapping against their mug. “Well, they haven’t really been… talking much lately. Basically just enough to let me know they haven’t just… up and died, to be honest.”

“…Oh.”

Logan’s reaction wasn’t unusual for xir. Explosive anger was normal. They could deal with that. But Roman suddenly going radio silent? During a moment of great injustice? That was strange.

“I’ll message Roman in the morning,” he said. “We’ll figure out what’s up with them, make sure they’re okay. Do you know how everything is going with their boyfriend?”

Virgil shrugged. “They were still together and liking each other last I knew the day this shit started happening.”

“Okay, then,” Patton replied. “Then we’ll figure it out tomorrow. Tonight, let’s just… decompress.”

“That sounds like a plan,” Virgil replied. They smiled, a wry quirk of their lips. “Hey, want to give a couple episodes of Haikyuu a try with me? It has a shining recommendation from Remy, Toni, Teagan, _and_ October.”

“Well, if it has all their seals of approval then we should definitely give it a shot!” Patton replied, getting into a more comfortable position as Virgil reached over to grab their laptop.

Tomorrow, they’d make sure Roman and Logan would both be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! please leave me a comment letting me know what you thought, and a kudos if you enjoyed!!  
> (and please, someone start making guesses on where virgil and patton live, i'm dropping hints, i promise, and you'll definitely get more hints as the story goes)  
> also: STAN SHE-RA  
> (seriously, i binge-watched it yesterday, it's so good)  
> come bother me on my sanders sides blog: [@logically-analytical](https://logically-analytical.tumblr.com/) or check out the ask blog for this 'verse: [@gender-is-hard-asks](https://gender-is-hard-asks.tumblr.com/)


End file.
